Greetings gentle readers, I have a cheap friend. His name is Oscar. To say he is cheap is basically an understatement. Even his wife will say Oscar is cheap. One would think that he would learn sooner or later that you get what you pay for.
Well Oscar is a smoker, you would think that if your going to kill yourself with smoke you would at least kill yourself with quality. You would think wouldn't you. Well you would be wrong to think that he would buy name brand. Oh no, not Oscar. He bought some of the most evil smelling and tasting cigarettes ever rolled.
He not only smoked them, but smoked allot of them, sometimes two to three packs a day.
So when it came time for Oscar to quit smoking, you would be right to guess that Oscar tried a cheap way of doing it. He went to another friend of our who just happens to be a male nurse and asked for some free samples of the Nicotine Patch. Our friend, who now will remain nameless, ah the hell with it, his name is Frank, being one of those rare people that will help just about anyone, said yes. He gave Oscar just about a case of those things. Which to say is allot. Hell you could cure a wh*** city block with what Frank gave Oscar. No name brand, just some chemical name and a lot number. So we couldn't tell if it was Nicoderm or what ever brand it was.
Now you would almost think that this is almost too good to be true. Well you would be right. Our friend who is normally a very mellow person he ranked up there with Andre in the mellow department. You would almost thing he was mainlining Prozac. That is until he got the patch.
Almost overnight he turned into a monster. He basically lost his mind would be a better description. He threatened to kick my ass over the smallest issues that we disagreed on. Now me being 6 foot 2 inches tall, and tipping the scales at about 205 pounds. I am not going to take seriously some munchkin sized guy that is only 5 foot 5 inches tall and lucky if he is dripping wet and tipping the scales at 150 pounds.
But when he actually had the brass balls to try and carry out his threat was too much. To say he was way out of his league is like saying Chevy Chase is a comedian. I didn't even get a work out pinning him to the ground. The fact that I was laughing the wh*** time did not help the situation any. Come to think of it, anyone he tried to fight that week did the same thing.
After a week of this insanity we could take it no more. We said the hell with your health and go back to smoking. We also asked our nurse friend to come and check out our buddy because after all a Nicotine patch should not have the effect that these were having on him.
So when Frank came over and looked at Oscar, we made a truly interesting discovery. It seems that Frank made a truly interesting mistake. It seems that the Nicotine patch was not a Nicotine patch at all, but a Testosterone Patch. Not only was it a Testosterone patch but it was the heavy duty formula. Which also explains why Oscars wife was running around with a silly grin on her face the wh*** week.
It also explained why also Oscar had to shave 3 times a day and his sudden fascination for masturbation. Last could that he admitted was about 6 times a day when his wife was working. But here is the interesting thing. Oscar did not smoke while he was on those patches. That's right Oscar was so busy chasing his wife when she was home, and busying doing other things when she was not. That he had no time to smoke. I mean with him busy shaving and trying to pound the s*** out of me. Hell who has time to smoke. So once again, thanks to the miracle of medicine another smoker bites the dust.
The only disheartening thing about the wh*** situation is that Frank, that bastard confiscated all the rest of the patches before the rest of us could get our hands on them. Most of us haven't been able to masturbate 6 times in one day since we were teenagers and we were kind of hoping to give it a try.