1. (Depth plus 33) / 33 equals atmospheres absolute.
2. Always look good when entering the water.
3. Always exit the water hard and strong.
4. A dive station is a joy to look at.
5. If someone asks you if you know how to do or use something, lie and figure it out going down the downline.
6. There is never a tender around when you need one.
7. The tender is always wrong.
8. The Diver is always right.
9. That f***ing worm is on a better job than I am.
10. If you're lost, it's because the damn tender pulled you off the pipeline.
11. Always take lots of photos for the lawsuits.
12. Hurry up and wait.

...And rule #13: If it ain't broke, don't fix it...if it is broke, you can't hurt it, so beat it with a BFH.